shift in direction

I've decided that it's worthwhile to pursue things purely because they're interesting.

I like to make it interesting for this small sect of the world while I'm here. Make you laugh, give support, and quietly exit without regrets. Most of you young ones will not know that I ever had them, or wish to avoid them.

SMILE.

1:30am

1) I'm still too wound up, too stressed, to truly call this summer yet
1a) though parts of today came close
2) I need something to do with my life besides write three blog entries in approximately a one hour period.

when I do not wish to fall alone

According to Ross, you may sleep with others as a small child and again later in life. Why this period in-between when we must sleep alone? Why is it a fall into sleep? Why is it permissible only in the secret places, "away," when it cannot happen often?

I would like to have the confirmation at the end of the day -- despite mishaps, despite failures -- that I am doing something right.

dover beach

The stars and sky are not impossible tonight.

Gentle tide and barely a breeze. Gray whisps of cloud soften the shoreline.

Head back on sand. The stars stand infinitely, they say, and I believe it. But tonight I could count them all. Tonight my fingertips could brush that cool blue and it would warm beneath my touch.

Is it this small sliver of beach which makes the universe fathomable? Is it the company? Because I could live in this night, content and trusting in all that I cannot see, but believe.

"I don't understand a word you just said"

The older I get, the more I see how crazy people are.

Adults, peers, their worlds and logic reel far from mine. But hey, as long as it's not life-threatening, or perilous to my own sanity, it's certainly entertaining.

"early night because I'm tired"

1) I always stay up later than I planned to, and
2) I cannot write without hope

coach, noun and verb

Nobody's looking over here, so they talk to me in hushed voices. They trust me; either that, or they need someone to fret to. "That was so scary! I don't want to do it again!"

"The first time's the worst," I console. Well, not always. "It's good for you to learn it. It'll help you."

"Ughhh..."

"Make yourself do it."

I tell them exactly what I've been told. I may not have believed it at the time, as they doubt now. But it was true, all of it.

i'll use my own title instead of a song lyric, if that's at all enticing

"...2 am and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake..."

I turn on the engine and immediately hear the song. I nearly laugh, turning up the volume. I'm relieved. Coincidence.

We have no answers, but we ask the same questions. The song repeats. The story is reread. They may try to explain, but they cannot answer fully. And it's all right, you see, because one line can be sufficient -- enough to know that someone else has articulated the very same question.

The question will continue to be asked. In chalky gyms, under bright lights, in dark dorms, behind the wheel, next to someone else, in a tired town that should just try again, I wonder who else wonders.

Sometimes I love to be alone and sometimes I can't stand it. I carefully craft my path and beg for someone to direct me. I still wait for those directions, likely the result of a series of appearingly unrelated incidents and words. You don't know either, yet somehow we help each other make sense. Realization; if only for a moment.

I will take a venture here. I say that one should stand by what one loves, because of and regardless of everything.

cold beer; hot lights

One of the best kinds of nights.

I am glad I went away to college.

Why Emeline is Jesus

I am devoting a blog to Emeline because:
-She is Jesus
-She can walk on water
-She sings loudly and takes revenge on all the loud people in the hallway
-She respects my crankiness
-She is a nasty!
-She also understands odd food cravings and planning one's meals in advance
-She peruses the Cortland ASC dining services webpage to look at the daily specials
-She braved that snowy trek to Syracuse to pick up Brian
-She loves free bread samples from Price Chopper as much as I do
-She understands the glory that is RASCAL FLATTS (before I did, hehe)
-She breaks into spontaneous dance parties with me, whether they're in 110 Hayes or on a pool table...
-She procrastinates via AIM stalking/picking at her face, as I do
-She will streak out of the shower to change the song playing
-She was my athletic trainer last year and massaged my knee this year
-She doesn't mind when I lie on her bed and try to cuddle with her lamp
-She is living in the room next to me in the PINK PALACE!
-She rocks out to "Mad Season" with DJ Di from 8-10 on Friday nights
-She has, on two occasions, DEMANDED that I go out to the swim house
-She lent me Spanish children's books
-She recognizes that Christina provides a great wealth of sexual-related information
-She empathizes being perpetually annoyed by certain...people
-She hates waking up in the morning more than I do
-She donates old Limited Too clothes to me
-"Diana, that's not a paper...that's a BLOG!"
-muwahaha, little does she know..
-She also partakes in random activities such as lacrosse and "racquet ball," and by that, I mean randomly hitting the ball around and doing handstands
-She knows what's up with those conversations with your parents where, try as they might to probe, there is simply NOTHING exciting/new/interesting going on in your life
-I heard the song "Breathe (2AM)" (or maybe I reversed the parentheses) in the shower and thought of her and the beginning of our year together!

YAY! ILY!

the way you know how

"Dance it like you know how," she says.

"You can do it!" they call.

Put your feet on the beam.

I won't let you down.

Oh, baby, this is perfection.