Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Glances of mortality

My goodness, I cannot thank you enough.

Friday, May 25, 2007


"You!" she says.

"Me," I admit.

Cohesion of scenes

A white figure runs from the marsh, across the road, and up the hill into the woods.

"Oh, my God, that was so awkward!" she exclaims in a low voice, gripping my arm. "I mean, really, WHY?"

Well, you don't answer your phone.

"I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't give a shit!" he shouts.

The flowers, petite and pink, stand brilliantly against the green. How had I failed to notice all of these years?

"It's not that exciting." Then she leans back in the booth and considers. "Well. Sometimes."

"You can't not say it back. That's just the end of the relationship right there!" He doesn't see "You have nice teeth" as an acceptable response to "I love you."

I want to listen, but I close my door instead.

The nights are getting warmer

and I hope the stone settled in your mind will be eroded by gentle, ceaseless waves.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Just what you want to hear:

A consensus at the strap bar produced some of our favorite responses:

"You wouldn't understand."

"You don't understand."

"You don't even know!"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


I never thought much about money until I realized that I was supposed to. Like weight, it narrowed people's eyes and added a wistful tone to their voices. Someday, they said. I have to.

They see money as items, as stackable boxes that will barricade them from the wilderness.

I see money as places, as gas, as the transition between here and movement.

The simple life

"Stick it in!"

"Diana just had a flashback."

"Remember, ping-pong is harder than cheerleading."

Sun by day, laughter in the gym, friends and love at night.

Somehow I rarely have too little to do. Somehow I am not at all self-conscious when I stand with these friends.

Perhaps it will somehow work out that I will always prefer to be where I am.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


Do I want to write my fictions or do I want to play in them? Or both?

A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having.

And then I wonder,

why must I be so silly?

My foot tingles.

The computer hums.

The movie plays on.

I love you, you say.

Saturday, May 19, 2007


I have missed your smile.

Friday, May 18, 2007

A P.S. so I don't forget:

Dear Emeline:

My friends truly enjoyed the video of your Africana dance performance on my camera. But not as much as I enjoyed the live version. :-D

Much love,
your future date at Hairy Tony's

Thursday, May 17, 2007

She does.

I am a bit more confident when I come back here. So it has gone for the past year.

I got it. Thanks.

And you watch and think, She does.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Last night in Cortland


The best moment of today:

Beautiful views, ceaseless water, twisting rocks, slices of sunlight and gold-green fields.

But my favorite moment just might have been watching Laurel burst into the running man -- and keep it up -- as I fumbled for my ringing cell phone outside of the library.


I would like to return home feeling more prepared. More complete.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

To Do, in red ink

"...Clean kitchen, sweep floor, find out what's in 'Surfer on Acid'..."

Thursday, May 10, 2007


Prayers on X-ray tables do not work.

But I can wear TWO shoes now. Regular shoes. How about that?

We stay sane through these tiny compromises that we have to make.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The night

disconnects me. The only things that feel right are shoes on pavement, legs flexing and straightening, and stars overhead. I am moving. I am moving.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007




My eyes burn. I step outside into cool night air. The smoke from downstairs is subdued and the laughter calming from drunkenness to tiredness.

I want to smudge my eyes with dark eyeliner and look at you behind masked and falsely thick lashes.

The wooden seat creaks and I'm too tired to wonder how many people have sat in it before. We are at the perfect height up here, I realize as I look at the lights of apartment houses and passing cars. We can witness it all without needing to step down. My perfect height.

I type in small windows so I can see what is going on.

There is a light in your window, I know.

I would like someone to come around the corner and up this shadowy road. I would like them to wave to me. Call my name. Sit up here with me for awhile, in silence.

I don't need to be amazing. I've done enough work. I would like to be amazed right now. I would like to be engaged, fascinated. I want to do the kind of work someday that makes me eager to be where I am with who is there. Is it too much to want that now?

The traffic light flashes red and yellow.

I type in small windows to remind myself of perspective.

It is time to sleep, I tell myself, and go into bed, but not to bed.

I want to walk down the road and around the corner.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Camera One closes in

You're playing you now

Like Diana walking into the middle of a Shakespearean drama.

Isn't it amazing how much everyone is internalizing?
Perhaps we'd all feel better if we just admitted it.

With Martial Vigor


If I should labor through daylight and dark,
Consecrate, valorous, serious, true,
Then on the world I may blazon my mark;
And what if I don’t, and what if I do?

"I just wanna go into a frenzy. I really wanna hurt someone. Like God honestly knock someone's teeth out."
Brittany falls into the TV.
Deep blues, greens, and gold.
For Semra, I wrote.
Jeremy's spoken.

Razors pain you; / River are damp; / Acids stain you; / And drugs cause cramp. / Guns aren't lawful; / nooses give; Gas smells awful; / You might as well live.

R.I.P. :-(

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Causing the scene

I painted over the writing on the wall.