Sunday, November 30, 2008

Shall we take a rain check?

I look at the clock.

I have passed the first test.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

For Emeline to stumble upon

During a fantastic phone call from Laurel just before, we established the two grand questions of our time:

1-How does Emeline dance the way she does?


2-Why don't our bodies do that?!


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I must have built up some good karma



"That makes you the most KICK ASS person in the entire world!!!!" -- I love my friends. :-)

just like deja vu

Are you okay with that? Well, of course I am. Did I think this could happen? Of course I did.

Naturally, in fact.

Fingers to face.

I close my eyes.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

it's all in how you finish

"We learn language to tell the stories within us," he says. "Part of the story will be in this novel. Part will be in the next story you write. And the next.

"Don't lose sight of the character. There's a reason he's so important to you."

I like that--that this matters.

And outside, it starts raining

It's snowing up north but raining here after a warm, calm cloudy day. I hear Deana's laugh and everyone passes from room to room, here and there, in pajamas and smiling and ready to linger.

It's raining out there and cozy in here, though I haven't written nearly enough.

Maybe I shouldn't mind. Maybe these are the nights I've always wanted.

I want to think that I am elevated. Hardly parallel yet far too similar circumstances come to us still. Someone makes a metaphor of melody.

I have come to understand you better.

Friday, November 21, 2008

elliptical epiphany:

Suddenly this has gotten easier.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

especially right now

I feel inspired in the rush of after-class moments. I sit still and type. I'll leave for dinner in fifteen minutes, everyone's antsy already and I know this will be gone when I return.

Where does it float away to?

Something needs to take hold.

I will find it. I will.


Beth said it so perfectly that night on the cozy couches in Starbucks: "There have been enough words."

I think I've made it rather clear that I can be a bit all over the place--especially right now--and somehow my hair always gets messy or my eye, you know, turns black or those damn eyelashes disappear again, and then I start laughing because I'm too nervous to say anything.

I think you see this.

And you know what? I like you.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

you know the rendezvous

And as my ankle gives way on the side of Montauk Highway, I wonder not for the first time--and certainly not the last--if something really is improperly wired on the left side of my brain.

two beds and a coffee machine

I left the gym and walked to my car. The pine scent in darkness flowed everywhere. And suddenly I remembered the lines of a song I hadn't thought about in years: There's hope in the darkness, you know you're gonna make it through.

I walked into Deana's room not much later and there it is playing: Another twist in the road, you keep moving. Another stop sign, you keep moving on.

What are the odds of two nods to an obscure Savage Garden song in one day?


I feel guilty. I want to hold everyone close to me.

I wish her story of what's happening now didn't sound so much like mine, only with the names and details changed.

I smile and smile, but where do I go from here?

Monday, November 17, 2008

afternoon delight

It's November 17 and I just went for a run down Montauk Highway in shorts, sunlight hitting the rifts in the road and leaves still spinning down.

You're all right, Long Island!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

capital notions

Mike: "It's either the carousel or AC/DC!"
Lauren: "The carousel!"
::Mike and Lauren storm off in opposite directions::


::Finger up:: "Tag it."

Lauren and me in unison: "Ooh, a port-a-pottie!"

Kristof: "Did you just quack?"

I don't want another pretty face...

"You're my tiny dancer!" Jess declares as we link arms on the sidewalk.

"Where are you?" Mike asks on the phone.
"Umm...13 and F," I say.
"Okay, I'm at 12 and G, do you see me?"
"No, F," I say. "Like 'fiesta.'"
"Fabulous," Jess says. "Fun. Finger. Frolic. Food."
"Okay, I'm walking up..."
"Fantastic. Frank. Fork."
"Where are you?"
"Far!" I say.
"Good one!" Jess says.

"Mike, why don't we take the metro?" I ask as he opens the cab door.
"I'm ready. I have pandas on my ticket," Jess adds, sliding in behind me. "Buckle up, kids."

As we drive and Mike talks about the embassies:
"That's a big tower," I observe.
"You're a big tower," Jess retorts. She pauses. "That didn't make any sense."

How big (or small) is it?

"Do you know what the highlight of my trip was?" Lauren asks this morning as gas very slowly flows into her car.
"Besides the carousel?" I say.

"I'm glad we got to see the penis thing," Lauren says on the Jersey turnpike.
"The Washington Monument?" I ask.
"Is that what it's called?"

Friday, November 14, 2008

south glances north

Have I finally become all right with staying put? No longer running away but instead lingering?


Still too close to call.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

This is too ridiculous to pass up

I could try to make up an excuse for this...but there is none.
Oh, best friends of mine!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

To marry a porcupine

We've had a good amount of tears in the suite this week, Sarah and I concluded before.

And if you hold on tight
to what you think is your thing,
you may find you're missing all the rest

And then:

Turns out not where but who you're with
that really matters

"Living On a Prayer" as performed by Deana and Sarah beneath my window, first walk in the woods, 7-11 encounters, photographs of sunsets, "Southold?", 4:00am bedtimes, singing Chris Brown and Jason Mraz in harmony, the possibility of Cortland OR D.C. next weekend, uncontrollable laughter in professional settings, new decks of cards, the Coriolis effect, deforestation, familiar faces talking their ways out of write-ups, free Capital One tea, King Kong stripping, white jackets, "I'm getting dinner to go" "WHY?", 8th grade dances, genuine exclamations of, "I'm so happy to see you!"

Would you expect any other sort of resilience?

Would you not like to be
okay, okay, okay?

We make this world shine for us.


(Ah, and sometimes, when we just need something nice to happen, it does.)


Friday, November 07, 2008

Friday afternoon

"We're not religious or anything but my mom was watching this sermon on TV and the priest was talking about divine connection. Like you meet some people and they change your life SO much for the better. It's not even just love -- it's with friends, too. And you know that something was behind it, like it was more than coincidence. That's how I feel about you. You have NO IDEA how glad I am that I met you."


I've made some odd decisions this week. Beth will read this and feel out of the loop, but she's already received a hint and she'll get more. She'll be a bit bewildered. I am, too, but it keeps this life fluid.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

lady in reddddd

"I don't know if you remember this, but we were outside one day," Deana says. "And you yelled, 'I hate it...I HATE IT!' and I swear birds flew out of the bushes."

"Shit. I know what happened to the CD."
"I took it out when Sarah and I went streaking because we wanted shit that would pump us up."

"Dusty?! Is this a dream?!"

Caralyn and Sarah fill out the RA evaluation form.
Caralyn: "Things Your RA Could Do Better...are you serious?"

Sarah: "Things Your RA Does"

It has always happened that I live with pretty awesome people. :-)

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Fog through branches

I knew as soon as I started that first paragraph that I had no idea where this story was going. I picked a name. I picked "them."

It's been two months and I've thought I'd just let Nick and Pete stew in the Adirondacks for a time, let them figure some things out until I pick them up again - if I ever do. Because now I've got at least seven others running through my mind at a fictitious school and they're trying to get a whole lot done and they grab me and say, "Listen! Listen!"

So I typed, printed, and forgot.

"Who wants to start?" the professor asks after everyone has pulled out their copy of my chapter and I've read two pages aloud - wondering why he asked me to read this particular portion, wondering if my spoken voice will provide a better understanding.

Everyone glances at their papers.

"Okay, I'll go first." The professor turns to me. "I don't think this scene could have been written any better than the way you wrote it."

Well, how about that?