Friday, December 28, 2007

"Don't forget your hanger."

At the end of the night it's the four of us capering out of 7-11 and climbing into the vehicle, laughing. The permutation's slightly different from other winters, other summers, but oddly enough the one I'd always wanted.

Years later and it's still us.

She giggles and I laugh. Because really, you never know.


-"Can you take two inches off?" I ask.

"Can you show me that?" Lauren, the business major, looks at my hair with concern. "I was never very good at science."

-"They have peanut butter hot chocolate at that 7-11," Kelsey says.

"SHUT THE F*&K UP!" Mike shouts.

-"We could just hang out and drink cheap wine," Kels suggests. "And then buzz at his apartment..." (O, Chekhov!)

Oh, friends. You have no idea how much I've needed you. Or how well you've loved - and love - me.


I feel so much calmer.

"Don’t write too much this break—I’m serious. Just a little tiny bit each day. Writers need down time too."


And I know that soon enough, I'll have plenty to say.

On to the next adventure I go.

Monday, December 24, 2007

"Remember when we used to race people to school?"

...while listening to "Stacy's Mom" and static, and waiting for the windows to defrost.

That senior year was an eventful one, though it took longer for the spinning to ensue. Pick a word to describe yourself. One word. Disciplined.

I passed the first of many tests just before. I tell myself that Disciplined leads to calmness, less anxiety, less pain. I slap myself and stay in line.

The glance would not be worth it.

I am still not sure how I will alter the time I'd adjusted to, even now in this disjointed state. I am still not sure that I won't compromise.

Live and apply. Live and apply.


I think about that road, think about why I think about that road still.

I know I surprised you then or at least made you blink. And if you were ever to bring this up again, I'd respond to your fears with, Accept it and Break it.

Some day somebody's gonna ask you
a question that you should say yes to
once in your life...

Saturday, December 22, 2007

"Make it just between you and the Tsuk."

There are numerous, numerous errors in this vault, besides the obvious overrotation on the landing. (The brave man spotting is Matt -- hi, Matt!) As usual on my early attempts, I rush the half-on and bend my knees before my hands even leave the table. Then, of course, I flip with my eyes closed. Each time I watch, I want to go again -- right now -- and do it properly.

I hadn't flipped this vault since August, when I'd land in the safety of the foam pit. And I hadn't even seriously considered Tsuking onto an actual landing area since landing the vault so...successfully on Feb. 20 -- the infamous splice of The Fifth Metatarsal That Never Wanted to Heal.

So for all of that, you have no idea how much this video pleases me. :-)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

"We refuse to satiate the Peruvian gods."

I am certain that the story hasn't ended, but I do need a break from it for awhile.

I'm not sure what I'll find when I return. Scrap it, take another angle, revise, maybe one day reread and say, Hey, that really was all right or Hey, I knew what I was doing.

I'm still not comfortable in being as bold as I wish. But I think I've grown more graceful. Graceful in crafting my tales. Graceful in setting characters, actions, motions in place. And most of all, graceful in stepping away to let them resolve themselves.

Friday, December 14, 2007

night tonic

I become intoxicated from reading too much too quickly. I swallow words like liquor and suddenly pages are emptied, my focus scattered, my thoughts strange and uneven against some other beat. I try to stand, try to talk about the mundane, and I feel the tension between this high twisting refracting perspective and what it is that everyone else wants to talk about...

I blink and walk slowly and try to find someone who will speak to me in this way, just tonight. Perhaps that is why you find me when you're in such a state, you know I will break away from idle how are you what's going on to try to meet you there, you know I will always be here and thinking of there, I want someone to be that for me.

Yet I always fear that inevitably, someone will say,
(tonight it's me): Shut the book, Di. Let it rest for tonight.
Come to bed. This will all fade in the morning.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Quick bits

"I'm kicking ass, taking names..."

"You're not small -- you're fun-sized."

Why didn't Gascon (language, wine, dog) take Jessica to the formal?

At 12:30 a.m., when my paper on Hispanic immigrants suddenly seems hilarious, it's an especially good idea to try to learn the dances to "Dancing" and "Sexy Back" with Brittany.

For the Ange: I went under the knife three years ago today. P4L: destroying the right sides of our bodies since 2004 or so. :-)

Enternecida me tienes.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Snow Day Part 2 (Em and Britt are still playing Uno)

"Oh, you mean 'Uno' is having the whole deck?"

An hour later, we've all beaten Andy. Looks like he'll be rubbing his own feet tonight. Much like Mario Kart and Cranium, we've all come to hate each other a bit during the game.

And no matter how many times I brush off my car and turn up the heat, I will always need Emeline for that literal extra boost. :-)

I'm really excited to be in a play again. I'm not so excited about turning twenty-two, but I can handle it. It all evens out, my friend!

Reason #281 why you know you're a gymnast

How to utilize a snow day:

"I know what I'll do! I'll go to the hospital!" Tanya bounds out of the den with renewed vigor and a potentially fractured back.

"Yeah, I should probably get my ribs x-rayed..." Brittany muses.

"Ooh! Anyone want to come?" Tanya calls. "I can study! This is great!"

Well, why not?

I find ice

One by one they drop off to sleep and the frigid hour freezes pathways, makes them smooth for gliding.

I stream my thoughts. I slip through.

September becomes December and green leaves freeze white. Choked. The season shifts rapidly like a bell curve of dramatic deviations, amazing and disheartening. White softens more starkly than gray.

When it becomes this cold, can you still feel the pulse?

I can.

I should still be falling with them but I'm falling on my own. Flakes fly like peaceful bullets and I can't look away. I am mesmerized. Penetrate me, shock me.

I sink into snow, I move, I find ice, I move.

This is how it should be.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

It is cold outside and I said no.

I am starting to know what I want, or at least starting to see what I can do.