Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Mere notes

I wrote it down - "catalyst - not crutch."

To do: Watch more movies. Improve at video games. Read more books. Know more about just about everything, especially randomness. Be smarter, more creative, stronger.

The perks of being on club: premiere parking at 7:30 p.m. (Or later, knowing me.)

"Tenemos que hacer algo." (Bailar, por supuesto.)

It would be cool if I could eat full meals and had interest in food besides chocolate.

"Thank you for being exactly like me."

I have so many questions that, even if I knew that I would like your answers, I wouldn’t know where to begin.

Monday, October 29, 2007

I've got a lot to say today

First, quotes from others:

You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet. - Franz Kafka

...que tomo, en el peligro de verte,
la vida, cuando te oigo.

I take my life in my hands when, on the dangerous occasion of seeing you, I listen to you.
-Frondoso, Lope de Vega's Fuenteovejuna

Sunday, October 28, 2007

A real wind blows

A real wind blows tonight as I make that now-habitual brisk walk over the sidewalk.

Through laughs and long hours. Apathy and intensity. Cookie dough ice cream for dinner, "She's, like, old," conversations that feel right and others that just are. There is something I should be doing and it's not being done or said, and I feel all right with that until the morning.

But there is something I want to tell you, and I haven't.

The wind knows.

The world I am living in right now is not real.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

passing time

"Seriously, if I don't have a crush on you, you're doing something wrong." - Rachel's outlook on males

A non-haiku of my least favorite expressions:
Fine. That's what she said.
Whatever. You don't even know.
Heh. You would.

"You'll have a black belt in writing. Don't mess with me; I'll write about you."

How would you define "craft"?


She touches the lightning.
Her face is serene.


Wednesday, October 24, 2007

All I know is

that I do not want this relentless momentum to stop.

Monday, October 22, 2007


He approaches the burning bridge. The soldiers turn from tossing branches onto the sizzling entrance. A post crumbles.

"We've got it under control, Capitán," one man says.

He watches another post fall -- the last tall structure. Then he nods and walks away, slowly, off stage.

Someone raises champagne to him later and he smiles slightly when someone else cracks open a beer instead. He sleeps with someone else and burns a bit. Not as much as he'd thought. It doesn't really matter.

He drives to work the next day and a small, staticky song plays. He'd made her shake and crumble to this song. Once and many times. He had burned. Once and many times.

He switches stations for a song with clear and cold anger.

"We've got it under control, Capitán," one man says.

He nods, slowly, and walks off stage.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


I know what I need to do.

Friday, October 19, 2007

October 19

Today started well. I backed out of the driveway with one sideview mirror, around cars and past chain-link fences, as if I knew what I was doing.

Today ended well. I don't care if I give too much of myself away right now. I want to be fascinated. I want to really laugh. And to do so, something has to be placed outside of me.

But the night is warm.

I feel all right.

Monday, October 15, 2007

I had hoped for a better sort of morning

I looked at the gray sky over the houses and realize that the only thing that can be done is to create something beautiful.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

At some point, I started to relax. I bounced a bit to the music as we chatted.

I can do this, I think.

Friday, October 12, 2007

It's not the place, she said.

It's not about where you are. It's about the person. It's who you are.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

encuentro o conquista?

And you give yourself away.

Saturday, October 06, 2007


It's nice to know after that after these years of relearning what you were never taught, someone notices that you're doing something correctly.

I feel good about that. I feel good about this choice.

Not about the walking, though. I feel the pull of my shins as my legs move briskly. The shadows touch me uncomfortably. I want to get home.

I still think about walking around the corner.

Friday, October 05, 2007

The jig is up

First off, this video = amazing.

Maybe in one week or six I'll be in for a rude jolt. But I'm ready to reveal myself at the time they shout, "Retreat!"

I make my own choices. I choose not to hide.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Thoughts on looking up Dali paintings at the library:

I'll likely make changes, but I like this ending:
He awakens in water, in soft rivers running over his body that whisper in a language he can almost understand.

I want to be considered "incomparable."

A wonderful way to begin the day:

"I like A."
"A is not a number."

After some awful line about dogs shitting razors (thank you, Liz!):
"Holy God, can you imagine that pain?"
"Embrace it."

"I'll never forget hearing this song live."

I wanted you to be uneased
I wanted you to linger
I want you to agree with me
I want you on my side

C'mon and lay it down
I've always been with you here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior,
and I will be your downfall.

and later...

Now I'm back on my own
Hear my feet, they're made of stone
Man, I make you go where I go
Well, hell, you, can I take you home?

[Mike will cheer at this song, I know.]