Saturday, July 19, 2008

relentless momentum (still)

"This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object."

I reject calm, it seems. So much has changed. Do you see that? Even my face, the one that won't convince a stranger that I'm over 16 without proof. The one that's nearly always amused, shifting theatrically, or listening intently.

I saw it tonight in the movie theater bathroom. I saw it when I walked into the gym this fall, winter, spring, glancing at the mirror - after scanning to see if my shorts length was appropriate - before looking down inevitably to the scar on my knee -

The face: emotionless, observant, and yes - older.

We left this place more or less equal, and now I see it split down the middle - those with nothing, floating, searching, grasping. And those sprinting. Dreams. Distance. Desire.

And I am in the middle, split.

So much is wrong with every choice and I will still want to run, but the slightly amused, slightly tired look of these eyes in that older face shrug at me:

It does not matter.

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