2.1.2010 (1.2.2010 as we say en espanol)

Consider this, if you can: no Internet, few noises, purple and green walls and chairs, two-and-a-half hours, 8-9 pages. For the masters of night-before papers, nothing; for me, a breakneck speed.

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Interesting how someone won't respond to an e-mail/Facebook message/wall post/etc., but will make their Internet activity VERY apparent. Just to keep in mind.

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Before we trek through the "Wild Meadow," we turn the corner toward my flat tire. The late afternoon light just the way I love it. No breeze. Soft earth-red boots over the gravel. We turn and I think It's time to move. Time to start again.

Almost February

"Sometimes it happened that he spoke perfectly clearly and nobody paid him any mind at all. But on that day, on that particular morning, he was undeniable. On that particular morning he was at his best." - John Wray, Lowboy

Talk to strangers

One week down of Spring 2010, and the world is not too much (yet). Starting to feel the isolation again, but I see it's been voluntary. That I could connect more if I chose to. I haven't chosen to until today. Today the sun beams over the cold grass and the wind is calm and I want to make things move.

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Every medium I use is a graveyard to someone else. I write anyway. Marking present time into memories for the return.

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My cousin tells her two-year-old daughter, "Use your words."

I wake up and see my words as little girls cartwheeling. As older girls getting ideas.

Away from the sun again

These five hours of actually being in here, as opposed to pretending, are long. Quite long.

Old songs and some a bit newer came up on Pandora's "90's rock" station as I wrote. Strange to think how strongly I once felt. Strange to feel so differently now. I even put some of the old songs back on the iPod today. No more ninth grade, post-surgery burn, senior year at WSUC. Just the girl trying to be real. All of it carried with her.

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I keep up the map of the Adirondacks to remind myself of where I am. It won't be long.

reading under the table with flashlights

I'm not sure how this biography situation is going to go (NSYNC? Miley? What, what?), but the people are interesting, and I could actually learn something, so that's a start.

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"You know, you've got a good catch," my dad says on the phone today. "He sat through the whole thing and didn't even look bored!"

I agree, Padre. ;-)

I am overwhelmed...

by how cute my girls were today! 32.20, 32.4o for the six-year-old? Not bad. Not a bad way to begin at all.

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How do you measure a year? In not panicking in the Return of the Residents. I have things to do. People to be.

"I'm going to call it 'the holy handstand' from now on."

Today has provided a number of revelations.

The first, which is unrelated to the others: Can we ban status updates? Please?

I have suddenly, but strongly, become exhausted by the excessive narcissism that is Facebook. I do not need to know every detail of your screenplay, your evening plans, your love life (though disasters do entice me, I will say), your love/hate family drama, your day every day. I DON'T CARE. Maybe your mom cares. That is very nice. But if you want sympathy, go, I don't know, tweet it somewhere. Text your friends. Be proactive rather than wail via Facebook.

Secondly:

For the first time, I looked around at today's competition and was not impressed. Did not feel either overwhelmed or ashamed. This season, we are either up there or getting there. It needs to be successfully demonstrated before the judges, but this year, unlike last, we've got the goods.

Thirdly:

I looked around and did not see many coaches smiling. A girl falls on her front tuck. Her coach throws his head back. Another misses her squat-on. Her coach tells her that she had better not miss that squat-on again. Ever.

Meanwhile, we've got Sarah picking her wedgie as she jumps from low to high bar (during warm-ups, thankfully), Alexa losing her tooth before bars, and each girl doing the most horrendous vault they've ever done in warm-ups.

I know there's money, pride, parental pressure, sweat, tears, endless rolled ankles on the line. But really, sometimes, what else can you do but laugh?

Fourthly:

Imagine: Competitive success and enjoying the sport?

"Tag it!" ::points to springboard::

1. Oh, RA "training," I almost enjoy you and your nothingness.

2. I really hope tomorrow's not a disaster with all those eyes watching.

3. ____________________________________________ (fill in your own).

"I'm not going to drop y'all like a bad habit!"

"I wouldn't go in those woods! There are deer and rabbits in there!" - Sherrille

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Well, I'm back in Southampton, and I am writing, and so far, my soul is still in tact.

I didn't think I'd say this,

but why did Winter Break fly so fast?!

"What'd I tell you about that mat?"

One of our Level 4's is very, very shy and would not do her floor routine in front of everyone. So the girls said they'd do the routine with her (minus most of the skills, so that nobody would die).

Como agua para chocolate

Rain falls on the crooked slates leading to our door. I can see the water through streetlights.

Tonight I'm perfectly at peace. Pink and green comforter. "Sarah Lawrence College Football - Still Undefeated" T-shirt. Alexis and Jillian running laps around the trees. Ten wondrous months! And the story that runs from underneath my fingers when I actually get going with it.

Tonight I could go for a scandal.

On the usefulness of penguins

Just to immortalize it in the blogosphere:

Gia, age 7: "It's cold. I need something to warm me up. Like a penguin with hot cheeks."

I'll be dancing

I've come to see that although our girls may not exactly be taking over the podium, their personalities are second to none.

Diana: "So ,Valentina, what do you want to be when you grow up? What's your life plan?"
Valentina: "I'm going to write a book about YOU!"
Diana is flattered.
Valentina: "I'm going to write about all my coaches. It'll be a series, starting with my first coach and going up to my last coach." ::throws arms wide to indicate this spectrum::

...

"Terrific" poetry?, YAWPing in the other worldly realm of Ross, and an official title for "the story." You fly faster than I imagined, winter break!

01.11.10

I enjoy palindromes like these.

3° on 01.11.10

A part of me secretly wants to get married on January 11th. ¿Por que, you may ask? Figure that out yourselves, LOTR fans!

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"We'll stay in the condo for a few days. Then we'll venture out. Then we'll stay in the condo for a day, venture out for a day. Mom will chainsmoke. Everyone will argue." - Jess' family vacations in Florida.

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I lift my chin and spin in the kitchen. All is right.

rise of the poetess

Revised life plan:
-live in a utopian garden with Liz.
-frolic each day.
-feel bones.

Fire tower

Why Life is Kickin' Right Now:

-Not being in Southampton --> No duty phone, no flyers, no Dean-of-Students (or lack thereof) drama, no weed wafting through the night air...
-No drama of any sort!
-Time to work on my thesis.
-AND enjoy it!
-Googling for thesis and finding random things like Adirondack fire towers.
-Time to read!
-Time spent with my friends!!
-Time to work out/feel good.
-Real, edible food.
-Internet access to a TV show too embarrassing to name here.
-Open gym.
-Beth's love life.
-Lauren's love life: "But it didnt stop at my toes...all of a sudden...our SIDES were touching."
-Coaching. Far too entertaining...: Valentina, age 8, in response to Sue saying she's pregnant: "Why do you want to go through that pain again?" Everyone laughs and she says, "Don't laugh! You've all been through a birthing experience!"

"So when are you coming to work for us?"

I like that when my mom says, "When you graduate and get a full-time job," my dad and I both laugh.

Here are some potential life plans, Blog World.
-Miraculously land a full-time (yes, Madre!) teaching gig.
-Maintain a multitude of part-time jobs (a.k.a. life currently).
-Obtain Composition & Rhetoric certificate from SBU to entice potential employers.
-Apply to PhD programs at Binghamton, Albany. Downside: leaving my gymnasts if I am accepted.
-Get published, receive just enough critical clout so that people think I'm capable of teaching writing, hopefully leading to Life Plan 1.
-Teach, write, coach, enjoy life!
-Become Spanish.

earth turns slowly

Wind strips snow from fields (the green almost shows). It bursts in white dreams meant to blind. I turn up the radio anyway. I know what winter means.

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The past week-and-a-half brought good friends and good laughs. Snowy days but decent roads keep me moving. Lots of sleep, lots of time, lots of words.

Life is pretty excellent!

1-1-2010

Not the biggest fan of January, but who doesn't mind a new start?

Addendum to previous post: Once in awhile, doing what I choose to do. Instead of caving to what I think everyone else wants.

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I think part of what's kept me jolted is that I went from the midst of the game -- feet kicking, legs flying, voices shouting -- to the podium, dressed in another jersey, announcements in other tongues -- still waiting for the payoff.