Monday, February 11, 2013

in a way, i need a change

This was supposed to be a year to ignite. Instead, I'm still pacing, waiting for the emailed answers to tell me if it's time or not. And what if it's not? There's the rub. Always, always, I have heard "yes" when it comes to academic conquests. I spread my applications widely this time around, thinking that this'll be my last go of it.

I think. I hope.

Today, as the kids eat their snacks and scroll through Instagram, I wonder if I should have aimed higher. Law school. Something with clout and the instant eyebrow raised in approval. Nuclear chemistry, I think as I scroll through the Wikipedia articles that detail too many crimes against humanity. You could argue that I am aiming high in this manner, going the artist's way, but whether or not my work will have any profound effect on any human remains be seen.

Human remains. I don't like the reverberation of those words together. Context clues. Slipping in, slipping out.

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