Monday, August 01, 2011

night hymns

This article reminds me of how I felt as I began my first year of grad school, immediately out of undergrad. Just not so extreme, and sans the eating disorder. And not just about gymnastics, but about, well, everything.

Even now, a year out of grad school -- which turned out to be two fantastic years of my life, those hallowed academic and residence halls -- I still feel like something is missing from those six years of higher education. Now I feel that I should have walked into rooms that I chose not to enter. I should have had conversations that I didn't. But what those rooms and conversations were, I don't know. It's not specific, this "it." It is a vagueness that grows.

Which year did it steal out of it? Did I never have it at all?

What is it that I feel I have lost, and where did it go? More importantly, does it matter if I know?

...

#214: The Black Keys, "Tighten Up"
#215: The Black Keys, "Howlin' For You"

1 comment:

Flo said...

'Tis a dark ramblin' hole you crawl into, if you think like that.

It's funny, I felt this way during the conferences, especially given that I mostly avoided the whole shenanigan by working and writing the entire time. I'm never going to learn from this guy or piss off this woman. Or charm them, maybe. I mean, there were some missteps along the path I eventually took, baby bumps if you will, but I like the path. This path was righteous. No regrets.

C'est la vie, n'est pas?